Learning To Take Up Space | Nourished With Tish

Learning To Take Up Space | The Nourished Mind — Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash

This wasn’t a post I planned to write. In fact, it’s not even something I’ve really known how to talk about–let alone share here. But it keeps calling me. So here, I’ll speak.

In these last few years, I’ve really struggled with finding my voice. With being assertive, with taking up space. It’s been a new experience. And honestly? It’s been hard. How do you take up space + ask for what you want?

Learning To Take Up Space Is Hard

I have always been a people pleaser; agreeable. If someone asks me to do something, I say yes. If someone does something that bothers me, I will often try to look at it from their point of view, understand them and move on. I’ve never been one to create waves. In my short life so far, that has been a beautiful gift: learning to have compassion, to compromise. Trying to see something from another view point. It has allowed me to build unlikely, wonderful friendships. It has allowed me to be moved and driven by empathy. My closest friends tease me that I’m the first one to talk about my feelings–that I’m all emotion. They would be right. Emotions carry me forward.

And while this part of my personality is something I value and take pride in, I’ve realized in the last two years that it’s often stopped me from speaking up. From being loud. From making waves.

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In my early twenties, I happily accepted my role as student: in life, and love. I was someone to be taught. A sponge eager to learn from others, and hear what they have to say. If I didn’t agree, I said nothing–that was my role.

But now, my role has shifted. While I plan to be a lifelong student–to be always learning–now I need to learn to speak up. Now I am in situations where I’m the one who knows the answer. Where am I the one who can share what I’ve learned. Not always–but often. It’s a shift in power, a new dynamic. I feel empowered. I feel terrified.

Because, what I never knew, but I’m learning now, is that not everyone will love this shift. Not everyone will love that you may know something and have something to share. It doesn’t matter–share it anyway. People will ask you not to speak, they’ll tell you that if you shine, you’ll dim their light. You won’t–shine anyway.

You will make mistakes and people will judge you. Apologize, and keep going.

I say this maybe more as a pep talk for myself, than advice. But I mean it. These last two years I’ve gone through some really big shifts in how I view the world. These years have been challenging, but up-lifting. Maybe it’s because as I get closer to my thirties, I realize I have more to offer. I realize that I’m not afraid of growth.

I will not be afraid to make waves.

Of course, I’m not saying go out and look for fights, or look for chaos. That would be silly, and fruitless. I’m saying: if something matters to you, stand up for it. Whether it’s your art, your career, your beliefs, your relationship: trust yourself and stand up. You will upset people. If you’re a people pleaser, or an empath, this will hurt you too. People often tell me I’m too nice, or I care too much. But I think what they don’t realize is that this is also self-preservation. Not wanting to hurt someone isn’t because I’m altruistic (I’m not). It’s because I can feel that it hurts, and it hurts me to do that to someone else.

Upsetting people hurts. And that hurt sometimes makes me hesitate, makes me hold back. It makes me want to be smaller and take up less space. I don’t want to crowd them. I don’t want them to be unhappy. I don’t want to be the reason they are unhappy.

I’m learning–and it’s a wild guess, but I bet this continues with age–that you can’t always prevent other people from being hurt. Sometimes it will get to a point where you will suffocate if you don’t make waves. At some point we have to learn to take up the space we need. To be ourselves, to express ourselves. To share what we know.

You can’t always protect people. What you can do, is act with kindness and warmth. It may not be well received. You may make mistakes and mishandle it. A gentle break in a heart is still a wound. I hope that empathy allows you to understand that, and be as gentle as you can be. I hope that self-love keeps you from holding back on what you really need to feel fulfilled.